“I’ll do that as soon as I drop forty pounds.”
“I’ll start this once I’m down three sizes.”
“I’ll wear that when I lose five inches.”
I’ll do this…I’ll do that…all conditional upon the state of my weight, the size of my jeans, and the amount of fat on my thighs. I was constantly waiting, rather than living. Looking for that better tomorrow and missing out on today. Seeing what was wrong with me, instead of celebrating what was right.
Holding my breath. Waiting.
And I was tired of it. Damn tired. While I wish I could tell you I waved a magic wand and presto, a confident, self-assured woman who loves her body emerged overnight. That wouldn’t be reality. It’s a daily challenge.
But through my battle, Fat Girl was born—inspired by the fat girl that lives inside most of us, regardless of our size. She’s the voice that says we’re not pretty enough, skinny enough or lovable enough. I hear her in the negative self-talk women heap upon themselves and each other. Not intentionally or out of being mean-spirited, but because of how we’ve been conditioned. Many of us look at ourselves and measure our worth based on how we stack up against the plastic image of perfection that has been shoved down our throats and branded into our psyches.
We’re smart and independent; we run businesses, write books, raise children, make many important life decisions, and still we can’t stop seeing ourselves as lacking. As our bodies not being bikini-ready or skinny jeans-ready— as not being perfect.
I wrote Dee’s story for myself…for my daughter…and for all the amazing women out there. To inspire us to love our bodies…to love ourselves.
And while I’m not quite there yet, I’m no longer waiting. I’m moving forward, exhaling, living my life; not letting the size of my body dictate to me. Focusing on being healthy rather than on getting skinny, wearing what I like rather than what conceals.
The words I often say to my daughter: “You are smart, funny, beautiful and kind” I now say to myself. Words are powerful. We know that from negative self-talk. It also works in the reverse. I encourage you to find the positive words that fit for you and repeat them as a daily affirmation.
I was once asked in an interview by fellow writer, Wynne Channing, what I hope readers take away from Fat Girl. My answer: “On the entertainment side, I hope readers will find my novel steamy and romantic with relatable, well-developed characters and interesting plots. On a deeper level, I hope readers will learn through Dee’s journey that there is no one size that makes you beautiful, sexy, lovable or worthy.”
We’re all lovable. All deserving.