I don’t believe in “writer’s block.” Never have. If you feel the ideas are scarce, sit down and write anyway. Push through it, and you’ll succeed. That’s what I’ve always told myself and any writers I’ve mentored.

writer5So why haven’t I been able to write much since Jeff got sick and I lost my parents? Why am I struggling so hard to turn out new chapters?

Normally, I’m the Energizer Bunny when it comes to writing. My friends tease me about how fast I can get words on the laptop. That’s not bragging; it’s just what I do. Or what I used to do… Then my mother passed away in September, Jeff got sick in December, and I lost my father in January. Everything changed. Even though I always took my laptop to the hospital, I seldom used it for writing. I was researching cancer and the treatments the doctors were proposing, or else I was keeping up with emails and social media posts. But when I did have time, I allowed my mind to get numb by surfing the Net. YouTube became my best friend when I realized how many Broadway clips there are on the site. I just let my mind go whenever I had the chance to sit down for a few minutes.wrter2

There were plenty of ideas for stories. That wasn’t the problem. I just couldn’t make myself write them down. It got worse when Jeff finally came home from the hospital since I had to do so much to take care of his needs. All the time, I kept telling myself that I’d get back to writing. Slowly, he improved, and I had more and more time during the day. But although I found myself with plenty of time to write, I didn’t.

This is very hard for a Type A like me to admit. I fought myself, feeling guilty for not being productive these last few months. Last week, I let the guilt go. So I’m not writing. I don’t need to feel bad about it, especially because I think that this inability to write boils down to this… I’m mentally exhausted.

After everything I’ve been through since August, I shouldn’t be surprised I need some down time. There’s been so much loss, and I was so busy simply doing what had to be wrte5done that I didn’t have time to grieve the deaths of my parents, almost losing Jeff, or his cancer diagnosis. Now that things have calmed down, I think I need some healing time for myself. If that means taking a step back from being the Energizer Bunny, so be it.

I know I’ll get back to writing. My agent has some series proposals in the works, and should any of them be contracted, I’ll dive right back in. And because of the mental rest, perhaps I’ll be better than ever. Who knows? The stories are all there, I just need to find my focus again.

Maybe then Sandy will get her groove back.


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Struggling… — 8 Comments

  1. That mental exhaustion is a very real thing. I noticed these last couple of weeks when I was pouring it on to finish this book, I often slept 10 hours/night. That’s without the kind of grief you’ve been dealing with. Good luck – we know you’ll get there!

  2. My heavens!! With what you had happening in your , I’m actually surprised you can hold your head up, much less form a coherent storyline.

    I’m so sorry about the loss of your parents. No matter how old we are, we’re never ready to let them go. And then having to deal with your husband’s illness along with your grief must have been horrendously difficult. Yes, now you need to time for you. To grieve, to rest, and to just breathe. So take all the time you need. We will all still be here whenever you’re ready to write again.

    My best to you and Jeff and I will keep him in my prayers as he continues his journey.

  3. Oh my God, Sandy! Of course you’re exhausted. Not just emotionally and intellectually but physically. Yes, give yourself time to grieve and rest and recuperate! You’ll be back better than ever with new insights that will enrich your writing. Be gentle with yourself. Show yourself the same TLC that you give to everyone else.

    • Yeah, easier said than done. But I’m trying. It’s always easier for me to take care of others. You’re right–now I need to take care of myself. Thanks! <3

  4. Sandy, with everything you’ve had to deal with, it’s no wonder you’re exhausted. And you’re grieving. That takes a toll. The writing will be there when you’re ready. Take care.

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